The Becoming
by LifeSuxAndThenYouDie
Summary: If I had said yes to Jared,Kimmie would have her boyfriend, I’d have my big brother, my parents would have their son. If I would have said yes, Eric would still be here. rate t for language and violence!
1. Completly and Utterly My Fault

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Chapter 1! (Bella's POV!)

Completely my fault! 

I'd never really taken the time to think about my relationship with my brother, Eric. I never really noticed how much I appreciate how he taught me how to be, and who was good for me and who wasn't.

Whenever my parents couldn't he would. Such as boy advice; my mother, Renee, was too busy with her job and the bills. While my father, Charlie, was on, yet, another mysterious case, as the head of police, and would hardly ever have enough time to speak to us about anything. So Eric was the one who told me about the "Birds and the Bees" and how far was too far! He taught me how to fight, "Defense only", were his words. From the time I was able to walk and talk, to the time I was 13 years old, he taught me everything I know.

Eric resembled Charlie; tall, dark black hair, brown eyes, but acted like Renee; energetic, wild, erratic. While I was a photo copy of my mother; 5'6, average weight, long/medium wavy light brown with a red tint to it hair, and round, dark brown almond eyes. But then acted like Charlie; quiet, shy, suffer in silence type, straight to the point! Like I said never really given, much thought about how much I loved my older brother, Eric Swan . . . until it was too late.

**Flashback!**

"_No Jared!" I panted as my boyfriend of three years, Jared Mason, tried to un-button my jeans. "I'm not ready and you know it."_

_He growled in frustration. "Come on, Bella. Listen, your brother is out with his girlfriend, while your parents went out to look on that piece on that chick's murder case." He seemed to smile and the thought of that. "So . . . we don't have to worry about getting caught or into trouble."_

_I glared at him, reaching for my shirt. "That's not why, Jared." I huffed as I pulled the silk over my head._

"_Then what is it?"_

"_I'm thirteen!" I shrieked as if it were obvious. "I'm 13; I'm saving that for someone that's the right one." I reasoned smoothing out the midnight blue halter._

"_And what, I'm not that person?" I didn't look up, knowing he would be pissed and probably hit me like last time. "It's been three years and I'm still not the one?!"_

_His grip on my arms tightened. "Ouch!" I winced as he got even tighter, "Yes! Im only 13 I can't possibly be in love!" _

_He was quiet, except for his heavy, ragged breathing, for a moment. "Fine," his voice didn't sound like __**MY**__ Jared, "if you're not going willingly…" He held up his hand as he spoke and snapped his fingers, "…then I'll just have to force you!"_

_Suddenly his friends, Alex, Derek, and James, were in my room. I went to scream but Alex quickly out his hand over my mouth, while James grabbed my arms; pinning them against my headboard. Derek grabbed my legs, making my knees lock. Alex removed his hand from my mouth, at my first, and probably my only, chance I let it out. I screamed so loud, it echoed off of the walls of my room and pierced anyone's ears within a 5-mile-radius. Jared had removed all his clothes and covered my lips with his; thus muffling my scream. As he continued, I felt hands on my waist, and the grasp my jeans had on my hips loosened as did my underwear. I cried as they both came down to my ankles. As Alex put his hand back over my mouth, Jared removed my shirt and bra, tears spewed over my cheeks 'this is it,' I thought, 'this is how I'm going to lose my innocence and may be even my life.'_

_Just then, as Jared inserted himself into me-breaking my barrier with one hard push-causing me to cry harder and scream louder into Alex's hand, my door flung open. "Bella?" Eric's voice rang through my ears! I glanced over at him; his eyes locked with mine, no doubt seeing the fear, shock, and betrayal in them. He suddenly growled at the boys in question. "Jared?" he asked through clenched teeth. Both of their eyes locked. "Boys?" He carefully glanced at each one. _

"_Eric?" They all said in sync, glaring at him with nothing but hatred. Jared had pulled on his boxers and jeans, and I saw the sun glint off something metal, silver-ish._

_I gasped as realization hit me like a ton of bricks. "Eric!" I screamed, as Jared pulled out a pistol and pulled the trigger. After that the entire event went in slow motion; the bullet hit Eric in the forehead, his blood splattered all over my door, the carpet-mom was going to be SO pissed!- the stair banister, the wall behind him, and the pictures that held its harmony. His head went backward and his knees gave in; therefore he toppled backward._

_Jared and the boys all jumped out my window, but not without a warning. Alex took out a knife and sliced my stomach open, saying, "You tell anyone what happened here and you too will die!" he said menacingly, "got it?" _

_I clutched my stomach, ran down stairs, screaming and crying into the phone as the police assured me to be there soon. About five minutes later the ambulance, police, and my parent, were all in the front yard. The last thing I remember before the blackness came; was Renee's face when she saw her one and only sons, stiff, lifeless, body lying in front of my bedroom door._

**End flashback!!**

Everything was black, and dark, though I could hear everything, including this, beyond annoying, _'BEEPING'_ sound.

"Renee, she's going to be fine." I heard Charlie tell my mother.

What? _I'm_ going to be ok? What about Eric? What happened to him?

"I know." She let out a strangled sob.

What about Jared and his gang? Where they caught?

"Mmmmm," I groaned, just to let them know I was okay. I blinked. . .blinked. . .and then blinked again. Renee leaned into my view, I grimaced. Her smile was weak, her eyes drooped, and under them were dark purple circles. Her hair was matted and oily.

"Bella, honey?"She asked her voice groggy and full with tears as were her eyes.

"Mom?" I asked, she nodded, sadly. "Where. . .where is he? Wheres. . .Eric?" I sighed the words as best as I could.

Her face dropped, her tears fell rapidly down her cheeks onto the cover. Charlie wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into a hug, muffling her sobs. As he looked down at me, I saw tears cascading, silently, down his face. I tried to decipher what they were trying to tell me. Was what happened real? Did Jared really kill Eric?

"I can't. . .believe he's. . .gone." Renée sobbed out, her voice breaking even more as she said the last word.

My vision blurred. "Gone?" my voice broke as the tears flowed over my eyelids. I held in my sobs as much as possible. When I had to breathe, I took a deep breath and winced. My stomach, Alex really did cut me. How deep? How long was I out? "I'm s-s-o s-s-sorry-y, mom," I gasped, pulling in quick, short breaths trying not to injure myself further. They both looked at me with looks that said ' why-are-you-sorry?'

"Bella…it's not your fault, ok?" Charlie answered. "You were sliced too, you know." He paused. "Do you have any idea who did it though?" he looked at me pleadingly.

I thought about what Alex told me! My life, plus my parents could be in jeopardy if I open my mouth and say something like:

'Yea dad, Jared, Alex, James, and Derek were all in my room. Jared tried, no wait, **successfully** raped me! Eric walked in, interfered, Jared shot him and Alex sliced me in the stomach and made a break for it.'

'_No! No way am I telling them that.' _I thought. I looked ruefully up at my parents. "This guy came into the house, I was in my room, reading, Eric was out on his date with Kimmie. I didn't hear the door open or close." I took a breath. "Long story short, he came into my room . . . r-raped me!" Renée gasped and I'm sure Charlie saw somewhere along the lines of red. "Eric came home early, heard something, I guess. He opened my door, the guy jumped off of me and stared at Eric before he picked up a, I think, a pistol, aimed it at Eric and pulled." I explained never looking up at their faces. "He then turned to me and said, 'If you tell anyone," and pulled out a knife and sliced my stomach,"- I flinched as I touched the bandage that wrapped around my torso- "he looked at me and finished by saying, "I'll go deeper with you and your family.' He left out my bedroom window. I got up and ran downstairs and called the police. They got there five minutes later and I was beside Eric, naked, and my blood running down my legs and stomach." I slowly lifted my head to my parents. Charlie was gripping the railings on the hospital bed, his eyes full of tears as he looked down at me. I glanced at Renée; she gazed at sympathetically at me, tears streamed down her face as I reached out to grab her hand. Charlie cleared his throat, I looked back at him.

"I-I'm…going to need…a, uh, d-description…of the guy that d-did this t-to you b-b-both-th." He struggled to keep the anger and sobs in as he spoke his words.

I tried to smile at his effort. "Green eyes, black hair with red tips, dark skinned, tannish, early 20's late teens, bout 6'2, really ripped in the chest area. I didn't get a good look at his face, cause of the ski mask he was wearing." I looked at them apologetically. "I'm sorry…" tears slipped out of my eyes, "it's my entire fault!" I broke down into sobs, clutching my stomach.

"No it's not!" Renée snapped. I just shook my head sadly, Charlie just growled in response.

If I had said yes to Jared, if I had said yea to having sex with him, Eric would still be here. I would still have the chance of having a nephew or niece in the future. Kimmie would have her boyfriend, which she loved, I'd have my big brother, that was my one and only best friend and teacher, and my parents would have their son and daughter. My parents. My parents were wrong…Eric's death was completely and utterly my fault.


	2. Get Out!

**Chapter 2**

**You're out!!**

**Bella's POV**

**Four years and three months later…**

"Isa- Bella? What did you do this time?" the woman at the principals reception desk asked sighing heavily.

I glared at the white tile floor at the question. Not like I wasn't surprised she was interested. First four months into school and I've already been suspended four times and have had multiple detentions. I could feel Principal Todd breaking the ice. I knew this time I was going to get expelled. Let's see what Renee and Charlie do with this. I shrugged my shoulders "Mr. Marty is an asshole; plain and simple." Darcie gave me a look that said _"Enlighten me!"_ I sighed and slouched back in the uncomfortable chair. "We were doing an experiment with beakers and everyone knows not to give me a slippery beaker. This retard hands me just that. It slips out my hand and shatters on the floor. He freaks out and starts screaming _'You're worthless! You're nothing but trouble! It's like a trait for you Swans! You and your parents aren't even on speaking terms cause of the death of Eric Swan! You're probably the one that killed your brother! Being you stupid clumsy self!'_" I shoved back the tears. I'd let them out when I was in the car. "At that I just lost it. I yelled back in his face that he didn't know I goddamn thing about me or my life, and he should just butt-the-fuck-out! Then I left the room, went the girls bathroom, calmed down, then came here knowing he wrote me up!" I took deep breath. "He didn't have to say that shit about my parents and my b-brother," I said softly tears blurring my vision.

He was right about the 'not being on speaking terms with my parents' part. I'm not at least. After the funeral, I holed myself up in my room; crying myself to sleep, then crying myself awake. I stayed in there for about a month. I barely ate. In one month I think I slept about eighteen hours. Finally, when Charlie and Renee quit pounding on my door and urging me to go to school, I pushed myself out of bed and into the bathroom. I took a much needed shower and got dressed. Showed up to school that day. Everyone asked questions. Jared and his boys taunted me endlessly. Three months later, I still wasn't eating or sleeping correctly. I wasn't talking to Charlie or Renee either. I knew that they were worried but, it was my fault that they have only one kid left. My fault. After three months in that school, I lost my cool with a teacher, a biology teacher actually, and threw a beaker at his scowling face. It shattered at impact. So, that was my first expulsion, I was fourteen at the time.

Renee and Charlie were pissed to say the least. They yelled at me all the way up the stairs. I didn't answer; in fact I barley heard them. All I heard was _his_ voice and the last words he said. Ever since the accident, I don't speak, eat with, or hang with my parents. I woke-up, left for school, came home, went to my room, did homework, made dinner, ate in my room, and went to bed.

I didn't kill my brother. It was my fault though. My fault.

"OK…Miss Swan," Mr. Todd came out and sat on the chair beside me. I didn't answer. Just shoved the tears back and looked up at him. "I wish I could tell you that your punishment is just another suspension, but Mr. Marty says that you shouldn't deserve to stay at this school. I'm really sorry but-"

I snorted "What-the-fuck-ever," with that I jumped out of my seat and grabbed my things. "If you would be so kind to send this message towards Mr. Marty," I said at the door, "Go. To. Hell!"

Racing down the long hallways, I ran to my locker. Slammed it open, grabbed my stuff; two notebooks, three mechanical pencils, and one binder. It looked as vacant as it did four months ago. I smirked at the thought. _Two months shorter than the last! Wow!_ I almost laughed out loud.

Once outside in the pouring heat, I ran for my truck. It was Er…_his_ truck. But for my sixteenth birthday Charlie handed me the keys and told me to take good care of it. When I first got inside, it was overwhelming; all I did was cry and rub the steering-wheel. _He _would've taught me how to drive when I was fifteen. Not the ugly fat guy that I was instructed to. _He_ would've griped about me borrowing the truck for friends too much. Not Renee and Charlie. I didn't drive the truck for a few weeks. Then one day, Renee wanted me to leave the house. Just get out and about. When I got in the truck it was like _he_ was there with me. Telling me what to do here and what to do next. His voice was right next to me. Like he was in the cab of the truck with me. In the passenger's seat. I now love driving my truck. It's one of the only places where _he_ can be with me.

"Isabella Marie Swan," Charlie yelled from the front porch as soon as I pulled up inside our driveway. "I can't believe you! I thought we were done with this behavior!"

I climbed out the cab and walked towards the door. I stopped at the steps, looking up at him as if to say "_what do you expect out of me!?"_ he sighed. Charlie walked into the house, I followed. I was hoping that I would be able to just run up to my room and it all be forgotten. "Bella…" nope!

I turned towards the kitchen; Renee came out with an envelope. "Go sit in the living room please?" she asked with her motherly eyes pleading me to obey.

I sighed and slipped off my shoes, took off my jacket and book bag; placing them all on the bottom step. "What?" I asked leaning against the archway frame.

Charlie swallowed hard on nothing, Renee became completely quiet. She handed me the envelope. I opened it, inside was an airplane ticket to place called Forks, Washington. "Your Aunt Alicia, you remember her?" Charlie asked leaning back against his chair. I nodded vaguely remembering she had a daughter my age, Angel, Angie? "Well, her daughter, Angella, and she invited you to come live with them. Get out of this area. Get away from these memo-this house. Get away from it all." He took a pause and looked at Renee.

"We want you to stay there, till at least senior year. If you hate it, come back. If you enjoy yourself, don't." her voice was final.

I didn't answer for awhile. That would be awesome. Away from it all. I love hearing my brother, but I'd get them to ship it over to there. "When do I leave?" I asked looking at the ticket.

"Day after tomorrow," Renee answered her voice breaking at the end of the sentence.

I nodded "Can I go pack? And can I get the truck shipped? I don't want to leave without it." with that I was heading up the stairs.

**That night at dinner**

So...here I am, sitting at the dinner table that I haven't at since _he_ was killed, with Renee and Charlie. It was oddly uncomfortable with them staring at me, like I was an experiment. "What?" I asked frustrated with their probing eyes.

"Nothing," Renee replied twirling a little spaghetti on her fork, "its just been awhile since you've actually sat with us and talked to us."

I almost smiled at her words, but I couldn't smile, not in this house. "Sorry...its just I didn't want to stay in the same room with the parents of the guy I was the cause of his death." Renee went to object, but I cut her off. "I should have listened more carefully to the door. You never know...living in Florida."

I know Renee and charlie were not happy with me still blaming myself after all this time, but they didn't want me jumping out of my seat like I use to and never sitting with them again. So they kept quiet. Eating the spaghetti I made on my last night here.

Once we were done I washed the dishes and ran upstairs. I got dressed in my most comfortable flannel pajama pants and a dark tank. I ran back down stairs just as Charlie and Renee were turning off the television. _Must have been in there longer than I thought!_ I thought surprised at the time. "Goodnight you guys," I said lightly hugging them both around the neck. "Thank you for letting me have this chance to redeem myself." With that I went to bed, hoping that Forks, Washington was better than I it was here.


	3. Weber's and Cullen's

**Chapter 4**

**Bella's POV**

**Weber s' and Cullen's**

**Two days later, 3:56 pm**

_We are now entering Seattle, Washington. Please remove everything from your trays and put them up. Buckle you seats. Thank you for flying, Continental US. _

I groaned out of my sleep. "Goddammit," I cursed quietly doing as the man said. The flight didn't take half as long as I thought it would have. More than 17,000 miles and it only took twelve hours. Smoothing my hair out I lifted the window; rain poured from the heavens not looking as if it was going to let up. Charlie had warned me about the weather here on the way to the airport.

"_Barely ever sun and if there is, its still chilly. So don't get your hopes up."_ he said smugly. _"oh and another thing...everyone knows everything about everyone. So...half the people there already what a bad-ass you are!"_ I nearly laughed at the comment, cause lets face it; I am a bad-ass teenage girl!

After the plane had ran the terminal and let us off, I ran to the bag shoot. (**I honestly cannot remember what those things are called!=])** I grabbed the three bags that were mine then turned. Only to be met with bright blue ones framed with sterling silver glasses. "Um...hi?" I said uncomfortably shifting back a bit.

"Bella Swan?" the girl asked uncertainly coming forward a bit more. I nodded slowly. Suddenly the girl shrieked with such excitement that I couldn't help but chuckle lowly. "Oh my god! I so sorry! You probably think I'm insane right now. I'm Angella Weber." Now the pieces fit. "How was the trip?" she asked grabbing one of my bags.

"Not as long as I thought it would be..." I mused dragging the bags that I carried with me. "i thought Aunt Alicia was picking me up?" I asked dumping my bags on the sidewalk.

Angella shrugged " She was going to, but I convinced her otherwise. My best friends and I are picking you up,' she smiled brightly.

I could feel a ghost smile spread across my face. "oh...and let me guess,"i joked leaning down towards her feet, "This ones name is...Yolko..." I teased pointing to thin air. She giggled "and this ones name is...hm...Canada!" Angella was full out laughing now. "That's the best I got," I muttered pulling myself back up to full height. "Seriously, where are your girlfriends at? I am starved!"

Just then a red BMW pulled up, two girls inside. One had long shiny blonde hair, fairly white skin, and sparkling blue eyes. I swear she was drop dead gorgeous. She was at the top of the food chain at the high school, with the most guys wanting her, and all the girls wanting to be her.

The other girl was just as gorgeous. She had black, choppy hair that went in every direction. Her brightly lit gray blue eyes smiled just as her pearl white teeth did. "OMG! Angella! You said she was pretty! You never mentioned beautiful!" she squealed I blushed at the comment. "Hi I'm Alice Cullen!"

I showed a small smiled for the hyper girl "Hi, I'm Bella Swan."

The blonde jumped out the car and popped the trunk, her legs seemed to go on forever. Typical prep type. I almost grimaced at the conversation that I was sure was coming. "Hi, I'm Rosalie Hale, but most people call me Rose," she said coming towards me and giving me a hug. I was totally surprised. A prep just hugged me? _Wtf?_

"Bella...so whose car is this?" I asked throwing my bags in the back and jumping in the back with Angella.

Rose got in the front as did Alice and they turned up the music. "Mine...its my number one baby," she sighed stroking the steering-wheel. Alice and Angella giggled at the touch.

"I thought Emmett was your number one baby?" Alice said still giggling.

Rose was a loss for words "Maybe..." she trailed off and started driving.

About two hours later, we came to a sign that read:

**Welcome to Forks**

**Population:**

**2,453**

"Two-thousand, four-hundred and fifty-three people live in Forks? Seriously?" I asked dumbfounded. "That's how many people were in most of my schools!" They laughed.

"Bella, didn't Charlie explain to you that Forks was a small town?" Angella said looking over at me.

"Yeah...but I thought he was sorta exaggerating," I shrugged looking out to the woods. "Is most of Forks woods?"

"Well sorta...most of the woods belong to La Push." I shot Alice a questionable expression. "A small reservation on the side of Washington. Most Indies live over there."

"Yeah...you remember Jacob Black don't you?" Angella asked me.

I vaguely remembered a small dark skinned boy and I playing in the sand on a beach. "Didn't my family and I come here one summer and we hung out with Billy Black and his two daughters?" I asked Angella. Alice and Rose just continued listening to the radio.

She nodded "Yep...Jacob had an extra big crush in you when you guys were kiddies!" she laughed at my expression. "You should have seen Eric's face when Jacob kissed you cheek when it was time for you guys to leave!" she continued laughing.

I gasped quietly and wrapped my arm around my waist, breathing deeply. The hole in my chest burnt, the singed edges stung as I tried to get away from the images. "Don't...don't t-talk about..._him..._around m-me..." I gasped out. Angella and Alice turned to look at me, Rosalie looked at me through the rear-view mirror. "P_lease?_" I stressed the word out grasping my torso even tighter.

Rose nodded first, followed by Alice, lastly a hesitant Angella. They turned the music up more and I swallowed down my guilt. The music blasted through the car as we took the windy roads to Aunt Alicia and Angellas' house. "Ok...Alice you get the door, Ang you get Bella's attention off the house and I'll get her bags." Rose ordered quickly popping the trunk and running inside.

"What was that all about?" I asked looking at a not so innocent Angella.

"Nothing," she said too quickly.

Lucky for her, just as I was about to ask what was up, a shiny silver Volvo turned into the driveway. A big smiled spread across her face as a dark green Sudan followed. "Who is that?" I asked pointing to the Volvo.

Before she could answer, one door opened. The passenger's seat held a huge guy. I mean he was huge; 6'2 or something. Big weight lifter. He had arms the size of my thighs and Roses' put together, his chest was no bigger. He had short brown curly hair and dark brown eyes. "Sup?! You must be Bella!" he said picking me up, crushing me in a hug and twirling me around. "I'm Emmett McCarthy, Rosalie's boyfriend!"

"Rose's boyfriend? Seriously?" I asked incredulously watching as Emmett gave her a hug and a sweet kiss on the forehead. She nodded smiling proudly. "But he's _huge_!"

"That's what she said!" Emmett boomed laughter filtering around me.

"Shut up Emmett!" Rose said laughing at him. "Yeah he's huge, but he's really just a teddy bear. Ask anyone!"

I rolled my eyes and looked back over at the Volvo. The back side door opened,then a guy with a muscular built frame, not as big as Emmett's but close, shaggy, white-blonde hair, and blue sparkly eyes hidden beneath the tips. He sauntered over to Alice's side, giving her a small hug with a peck on the cheek. He turned to me. "I'm Jasper Hale, Rosalie's twin brother and Alice's boyfriend." he gave me a big hug with less enthusiasm than Emmett's thank god.

I hugged him back. "Nice to meet you Jasper, I'm Bella Swan, Angella's older cousin."

"You're only three months older than me, Bells!" She protested from behind me. I turned and saw her in the arms of a guy. He had a wry form, with short, choppy, black hair, pale blue eyes, and pale skin. "Bella this is my boyfriend, Ben Chanley. Ben, this is my cousin, Bella Swan!"

"Older cousin actually," I corrected showing a small smile while shaking his hand. The others laughed as Angella pouted.

"Hey sis!" a new voice said from the direction of the Volvo.

Slowly, I turned to greet the guy with the voice. My voice got caught in my throat. No way this guy was real! He was beyond hott! He had a muscular build, not quite as big as Emmett's but not as small as Jasper's, sexy bronze just-rolled-out-of-bed-hair, and emerald green gems as eyes. "_Whoa!"_ I mouthed to Angella, she smiled and nodded.

He turned and looked at me. "Hi..." he said softly, his velvet voice wrapping around my eardrums and saying his words over and over again. "I'm Edward Cullen, Alice's older brother."

"Bella Swan..." I answered about to shake his hand, but Alice interrupted me.

"Just by seven minutes, butt-head!" Alice grumbled slumping into Jasper's hold.

I smiled at their brother-sister banter. Tears sprung to my eyes as I remembered one of mine and _his_ banters. I tried my hardest to push them back, but this time they refused; breaking the dam and spilling down my cheeks. "I'm sorry..." I whispered then ran towards the house.

"Bella?" Edward's voice called from the bathroom I had ran into. I sat on the toilet, shaking and refused to answer. "Bella are you alright?" I shook my head knowing he couldn't see me. "Bella, please answer...Ang is really upset and we're all worried. Bella just come out."

"No..." I cried falling off the toilet and slumping to the floor. Memories taking over my mind. "NO!"

**Little bit of a cliffhanger there! I know I'm evil! Review please! I love it when you guyz do! It'z addictive! **

**~LSTYD!~**


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